Chautauqua, Daniel Wiley, Ballet, etc…

Written August 31, 2005

Okay, I know I didn’t write that big long blog entry that I promised you. But I’m writing it now, while I don’t have Internet access (at least my computer’s plugged in). I need to run down to the campus bookstore and buy a cable – I guess I left mine at home. Meanwhile, it’s more of a luxury at this point – I don’t need to get online…I just want to.

Things are going pretty well here, actually. I got my actual room set up, and I have Microsoft Word, which is in some ways even more imperative than the Internet. I can write if nothing else. Anyway, I’ll get a cable eventually. Can you tell I’m just trying to convince myself I can live without Internet? I actually had a near nervous breakdown when I couldn’t find the cable – almost started crying. Though I can blame that on not sleeping all that much. I did get enough sleep last night, though. I’m just…sleepy. And I kind of want to get out and go to MIT or something. I was looking at this magazine CounterPoint: it’s “The MIT-Wellesley Journal of Campus Life” – a magazine put out by both schools. Anyway, I was reading about the MIT frats and it was just hilarious.

I’m not going through boy withdrawal, exactly. Okay, well maybe a little, to be honest – I connect better with guys than I do with girls in general. There actually is one guy a floor down: part of the 12-College exchange that Wellesley’s involved in. I don’t know what he’s studying here, but it’s kind of weird seeing one guy in the cafeteria in the morning. But I kind of do want to meet guys. And there’s a shuttle bus that goes to MIT and Harvard. And you know, if nothing else, I want to go to at least one “frat party” in my lifetime. Even if I think it’s a complete waste of my life and want to leave, it’s one of those things that you should do as a college student, in my opinion. And I just won’t go “see the view of the moon from the roof” if I don’t want to.

My room is pretty…and I do get to listen to the albums I love. If I didn’t have my music, I think I would have a complete meltdown. Music is what makes my life. And of course I do have my Yankees poster up on my wall now, along with my NY hat, so that’s a little better. You know what I do miss, though? Having space of my own – being able to go into my own bedroom and sleep or just sit or whatever.

The radio’s playing “Listen to Your Heart (The Candlelight Remix)” by DHT at the moment. I don’t know why I like the song so much but I do.

So back to the topic of the post…Chautauqua…it was pretty cool this year, actually. I liked it. I kind of hooked up with a boy, but I didn’t give him my e-mail or anything. He’s joining the Navy anyway – actually I think he’s already gone. He was nice. I liked him, I guess. He was twenty-three actually…I get along better with older guys.

Actually, the ballet was absolutely splendiferous this year. There was this dancer, Daniel Wiley that was just incredible. You know, I don’t know what it was about the ballet this year, but it made my just miss gymnastics so much. It was so much a part of my life for like ten and a half, eleven years…then puberty hit and I had to quit, like most gymnasts. When I think about it, I did live out that average career of a gymnast. When I quit at like twelve or thirteen (I forget which) I felt like I was dropping out so early…meanwhile, I was the oldest person at the place I went when I think about it. I mean the tiny sixteen year olds that never really grew can still compete at the Olympic level, but once an Olympic gymnast hits eighteen, she’s almost considered to be ancient – look at Dominique Dawes. She went into her twenties, I think, but even she had to quit eventually. It’s just not a sport of longevity. Even dancers have slightly longer careers.

I do miss gymnastics, though. Even though it destroyed both wrists, both ankles, made my hips and back stiffer than they should be at the age of eighteen, I really loved it. I can still do a little, actually. It also helped me so much when I was growing four inches a year – helped with my balance. I can’t imagine how clumsy (or rather, how much clumsier) I would be if I never took gymnastics.

But this guy, Daniel Wiley, from the North Carolina Dance Troop, was just so great to watch. He had a charisma that just drew you to him, no matter where he was onstage.

I also found a great new musician: Jackson Rohm. I bought his latest CD, and it’s great. He does a cover of “Joey”, originally done by Concrete Blonde – it’s one of my favorite songs. I actually printed out some of the lyrics to put on my dorm wall:

Joey, honey – I got some money
All is forgiven, listen, listen
And if I seem to be confused
I didn’t mean to be with you.
And when you said I scared you,
Well I guess you scared me too.
But we got lucky once before
And if you’re somewhere out there passed out on the floor,
Oh Joey, I’m not angry anymore.

I also have lyrics from Marjorie Fair’s song “Empty Room”: I don’t want to go, but if I die young, fill my empty room with the sun.” And part of Canción del pirata by José de Espronceda, one of my favorite Spanish poems:
Que es mi barco mi tesoro,
que es mi Dios la libertad;
mi ley la fuerza y el viento;
mi única patria la mar.

I might print out some of Romancero gitano – those poems are so beautiful.

But back to Chautauqua: work was also great (gotta love my little tangents). I absolutely love working at Children’s School. Maybe I can apply for an afternoon job too, or maybe working at the Amp or something. I really, really want to go back there.

I think I’m just realizing right now that I miss my family. I’m really happy here, but I’d just like to see them. Well, they’re coming up in October for Parents’ Visiting Weekend. I also miss my kitty and my dog…and the horses at the barn I ride at. And I miss my friends from home. I’m making friends here surprisingly quickly (even for me), but it’s all still at that feeling it out beginning stage where we’re all rather awkward.

I think once I get connected and I can e-mail people easily and I can reconnect with the people at the Deadwood Forum and the Barrow-Downs I’ll feel a little better. Just talking to familiar people will be good.

HA! I don’t know what station I’m listening too…they just started playing that Stevie Nicks song, “It’s like the one-winged dove.” It’s the one that they used the intro from it for that Destiny’s Child song “Bootylicious.” Why do I keep going back to music?

Okay, sentences are going to be rather clipped for a bit – my RA’s in the room and she’s awesome. Actually, everyone here’s pretty awesome. I really haven’t met anyone that I didn’t like. We all get along surprisingly well. Actually, I think not having guys around might contribute to that. There’s no competition in that regard. And someone else doing poorly on a test doesn’t make us do any better, so it doesn’t work that way. I’m becoming closest with the girls in my FYM group, actually. There are fourteen of us.

I actually really want to go into Boston. I miss NY – I was going there so often this past summer what with commuting and the like. I’m kind of already getting tired of the suburbs. Maybe I’ll wander into the Ville tomorrow and see what that’s like. I actually have a lot of free time…assuming I get my network connected easily. The directions are pretty straightforward.

My printer works I found out! Yay! It kind of got dropped a bit in the back seat, but it didn’t seem to hurt it. The printer might even be a little more important than the Internet in my opinion. They have dorm printers, but I like having my own.

Oh! And I connected my phone and set up my voicemail on it. I feel all special having my own phone next to my bed (well, at the head). I also felt all “grown up” when I was vacuuming my dorm room today. I’m sad, I know. I know I’ll also get this really weird sense of accomplishment the first time I do the laundry in the dorm. Okay, I’ll stop…meanwhile, I have my stuffed koala and my stuffed horsey on my bed, I have my little Ganesh and Buddha, my little kitties with rabbit’s fur to simulate cat fur (sleeping)...

WAAAAAAH! I miss my kitty. You know, I might not do Wintersession. I might just sit at home and pet my kitty for six weeks. And go to my old school and see everyone! That’s what I really want to do. You know, I could do Wintersession another year. Freshman year, I think a little Hackley visitation is called for – see how Jake and Carley and everyone are. See the teachers (I miss them…and I miss my friends, and musical rehearsal…more than a lot of things I miss play rehearsal).

That’s the problem with going to the same school for thirteen years, boys and girls. When you go to another school, you have major “Oh my sweet Lord, this is different” problems. And I never thought I’d say this, but I reiterate: I miss boys. I’ll get over it when I start going into Boston, but for the moment, way too much estrogen. And as I said, it’s not even cattiness – we’re all great to each other. It’s just nice having an inconsiderate, clumsy, horny guy around to make you feel better about yourself. No offense to guys – they’re great…it’s just women aren’t men, no matter how you twist it.

Maybe that’s why I seem to be torn – I love women and I think they’re so gorgeous and everything…and I can connect with them and everything: I could see myself spending forever with a woman. But, nothing beats a man. And at the same time, they don’t even come close to women. Humph! You see my dilemma? If anything, I think going to Wellesley and spending a lot of time with women might draw me back to men more – rather than being the “breeding pot of sin” that people always associate with women’s schools.

Heehee: I just said “breeding pot of sin.” I don’t even know where that came from.

Oh, speaking of: classes! I’ll be so happy when I start classes. I’m probably going to be taking Arabic 101, Writing 125-07 (Ancient Greek Philosophy), Computer Science 110 (basic how to design a website using Java) and History 219 (The Jews of Spain and the Lands of Islam). I’m still into the idea of being a Middle Eastern Studies major…preferably with a concentration on religion.

I’m actually really excited to start Arabic. I know, I’m a big dork. But you know, all the girls here are too: we’re all really excited about classes…and about parties, but about classes too. I’m actually planning on hitting up the social scene a lot more than I did at home. I’m not going to live near Boston, MIT, Harvard, BU, BC, UMass and all those great places near by and not do anything about it.

Well, I guess that’s about all. I might head over to the “party” they’re having at the campus center and check it out. It’ll just be all of us again, so I’m not exactly completely sure why I’m bothering. I mean it’s 606 of us on campus, but still…

Thus ends the August 31 entry…

...

September 1...

I just found out that my parents had to put my dog to sleep. I'm actually okay with it now. It'll probably be weird when I go home and he's not there, but...I'm okay now, I think. He was fifteen years old. It was his time, I guess. Kind of a bummer.

My cat's apparently thriving, though. And my mom's going to go to the barn and see the horses.

I got "okay"'ed for my classes too. And I hooked up to the net, as you can see. All by myself. Aren't you proud?

Ah, well, I'm a-gonna go.