What to say...

Okay, something has been really weird in my life lately. You know, none of my friends, not even my best friends, know that much about my life, my family and some stuff that's happened to my family. Yet, somehow recently there's someone that I've been telling practically everything too. And you know, I feel like I'm using them, because why should they have to deal with all of my shit? They're just like me: they're the person that everyone else usually uses, either dumping things on them or asking them to do something...which makes me so guilty every time I ask them a favor. Or I'll just text message them asking if I can call them, because I'm lonely or sad, and next thing I know my phone is ringing. And I just wish that they would open up to me like I open up to them. But I realize it's hard to do that to people: I never tell anyone some of the things I tell them because it's just hard to tell people something. Even if they're not the type to judge, most people do, just based on the stuff I tell them. But this person never judges to any extent at all - they're the first person I've ever met that does that. And, to be quite honest, it confuses me that I tell them everything...and worries me at the same time. It scares me when people know me - know my thinking, my life, all the good and bad stuff that goes on with me. And I don't know why it scares me so much. I was crying about it the other night, and then I felt so stupid for crying. Why should someone listening to me, really actually listening to me, scare me so much? It's not like I'm crying because I have any sort of crush on them or anything, because I don't at all...I guess it just confuses me that I can get close to someone when I've spent my whole life intentionally keeping myself distant.

That's really why my relationships never last that long...and why they're typically long-distance relationships. I mean I definitely tell this person more than I've ever told any boyfriends or girlfriends or friends or family or anything. That was one thing that pissed people - mostly guys - off: that I just don't like talking to most people. They'd confess everything they'd ever done, and I'd say "that's nice" but not share any of my own stories. But that's just the type of person I am: I listen. I spend my whole life listening to other people's conversations, and I guess I just needed someone to confess to...besides this lovely site. I mean no offense, Isabel, Carley, but I have this rule that I don't put anything in writing that I'm afraid that anyone at any point will read. It's a good personal rule - avoids uncomfortable situations later.

Yeah, so what the last paragraph was saying was that I'm a really lousy girlfriend when I am one. That's not true, though. I mean I've let all the guys I've ever gone out with seriously use me at some point in our relationship. And I have the habit of going out with the outcasts, the loners, the ones that need help (and often seriously need help). For some reason they're always drawn to me. I guess that's just the reason: I listen to them. I give advice if they ask for it, but I don't judge. I mean who am I to judge anyone? Just look at the mess that I like to call my life - who would want to come to me for advice? But I give it if people ask for it. Mostly I'm great at giving the obvious advice that, at the time, you probably don't see. I'm way too objective - it's always the stuff that you should do but can't that I suggest. Then I turn around and don't follow the advice myself.

So, I've been going back to the Barrow-Downs fairly regularly. I have a great quote for you, Isabel:
VanimaEdhel: First person to say five z's wins a special cookie...and I will never again call them sweetie or hon.
zzzzz
[M] Wight-Bot has set mode(s) +b *!JavaClient@fde5984f.ks.ok.6ca6b017.net.hmsk on channel #barrowdowns
[K] Alakerinion has been kicked from channel #barrowdowns by Wight-Bot (Wight-Bot)
* Wight-Bot Alakerinion has been temporarily banned for WAZZUPing or snoring (too many ZZZs) and can return in one minute.
zzzzzz
[M] Wight-Bot has set mode(s) +b *!JavaClient@b98c93be.ipt.6ca6a889.com.hmsk on channel #barrowdowns
[K] Elfy_orc has been kicked from channel #barrowdowns by Wight-Bot (Wight-Bot)
* Wight-Bot Elfy_orc has been temporarily banned for WAZZUPing or snoring (too many ZZZs) and can return in one minute.
Frodo_Baggins: LOL
Frodo_Baggins: Two at once!
VanimaEdhel: I didn't really mean Alak
Frodo_Baggins: ^5 Van!!!
Aldarion: awesome!
Frodo_Baggins: I think that's a new record.
Aduna: nice

So I, VanimaEdhel on the 'Downs, Carley, if you couldn't tell, now hold the mini-record for most induced into typing too many Z's in the Chat and getting banned. Two newbies at once, Isabel! Wee!

I have some great chat quotes, though. Maybe I should put them in, since they're very merry:
Lord_Elrond: I always try to have discussions, Vanima. But the teenies abd noobs rape the conversation.

OrlandoRules: Ive read a book before!
OrlandoRules: I tried to read the hobbit but it was too long
Elei_Amdirren: OrlandoRules: Have you read...or had read to you...or listened to on tape...The Lord of the Rings?
OrlandoRulesI got the tapes at the library but they were like boring

(I was Elei_Amdirren for a while too, Carley...three years at one board, I'm such a loser)

Tojo: OMG OMG! Van is so sexy! (Reyna)
BreannaBelle: omgomgomgomg Van is so sexy!

Okay, if you couldn't tell, Reyna makes my life. I love her.

BlackGallop: i had to unscrew its butt to get it to stop saying "yuuuum"

About Furbies, if you couldn't tell, but highly amusing as a random quote.

*>Ancalagone<* Greetings oh lady of infinite wisdom by the way

Anca complimenting me: no explanation needed. He's really cool. He and Alda are really the reason that I go back at all. And you, obviously Isabel. So many of the oldies are gone, though, replaced by the stupid n00bs.

Thenamir: VanimaEdhel *is* way cool

A Mod complimenting me: no explanation necessary. And if that wasn't enough:

Rimbaud: Vanima's alright, she;s a regular here and on the forum and I felt like it.
Rimbaud: Oh yeah, and she's hot

Definitely my favorite quote, by far.

Frodo_BagginsYeah there's PlayCows, PlayHorses, PlayDogs, PlayCats, PlaySiberianTiger, PlayCheetah...
Frodo_Baggins: And even: PlayVanimaEdhels.
* VanimaEdhel scrolls up: FRODO! You been taking nude pictures of me again?
Frodo_Baggins: Sorry Vanima. I couldn't help myself.

*>Bethberry<* Vanima, do you have any idea how this sounds: VanimaEdhel: Would you eat me if I did so?

Hehe...Bb. I love her so.

VanimaEdhel: Val is baby cow though *whimpers and whimpers*
VanimaEdhel: *Veal
VanimaEdhel: (good thing Valesse wasn't on for that)

Yes, I put myself in, just because I do have a nice comment every now and again.

[K] HermioneFrodo has been kicked from channel #barrowdowns by Bethberry (So many reasons.)

Kick reasons are the best.

Figwit: What?! I never, ever did naked jello wrestling!

Va: Frofro, are you okay?
Frofro-Away: help! baby frogs!

The Va was because one day I was complaining that with Vanaano...blah, blah, blah...long name I don't know and me, and everyone calling us both Van, I was getting confused, so then everyone intentionally found a name that started with Va to drive me crazy.

zifnab: I hate to know why his slab is hard.

I miss ziffy...

Guo_Si: I'd hunt elvish madiens, but I think I'm spelling madien wrong :(

Fallen_Hero: I'm gonna slice you all tto pieces with my cucumber of death!

Pesmerga: Baseball, Soccer and Basketball SUCK!!!
Guo_Si: unless its NAKED soccer! :D

Niltaliel: Thena is a powerpuff girl!

Guo_Si: Why can't girls be more like hot guys? :(

elanor: NO< MUM!!! NOT THE SPOON!!! AAA!!! *click*

* Witch-King puts on makeup and prances around in a dress... err.. robe.

Legolas: Guo_Si rushes into the room, wearing a pink dress and giggling.
Aerolecent: And that he does, Legolas. ;)
Frodo_Baggins: DADDY-GUO WEARS MOMMY'S DWESSES TOO?!?!?!
Frodo_Baggins: And I thought him taking the bras was bad....

Thenamir: no, I said she had the same grasp of grammar and spelling as a parakeet.

* Hobbitism spontainiously combusts, just to liven things up

Laurefin: waterdragon: uh, wha? eh? moo? lalalala <-- intelligent? rofl
waterdragon: intelligent. Moo

Thenamir: WHaddaya mean? Do I have a sign painted on my shirt that says "Thong Patrol"??
LadyEowyn: Yes, Thenamir.

Aragorn_Protector (from the Forum): When you see elves shield-boarding down stairs at Helms deep you know PJ needs a catscan

Gayahithwen: !malbeth who here should be worshipped?
Wight-Bot: Gayahithwen asked
0,2" who here should be worshipped? "
My answer is
12,8 VanimaEdhel

Hehe...my moment of triumph...

Halla: omg! lets play a game...first one to say 5 z's WINS!!!
ulmoisgay: f uck
ulmoisgay: zzzzz
[M] Wight-Bot has set mode(s) +b*!JavaClient@ca29c734.dialup.283024cd.net.hmsk on channel #barrowdowns
[K] ulmoisgay has been kicked from channel #barrowdowns by Wight-Bot (Wight-Bot)
* Wight-Bot ulmoisgay has been temporarily banned for WAZZUPing or snoring (too many ZZZs) and can return in one minute.

So close to being able to stay when he put the space between the f and the u...then he just had to go and fall for the 5 z's (my game, people...I made it up, so all royalties go to me).

Cordellia: dude, pentagram666, you're very dull-witted
pentagram666: i'm not a dude
Imp: why didn't she object to the dull-witted part?

The following contain more comments that were followed up by questions of the person's intelligence:

* Pippin was making a resimay for a summer job.. and i never knew how many i could put on it!

elvenwarrior: i graduate tomarrow!

And then...there's:

Sharku-away: holy smokes, what was that, a page rape?
Beleth: Not rape, Sharku, merely innuendo

ben: and you vanima you rule and are the king
VanimaEdhel: May I be the queen, as I am female?
ben: ok

* VanimaEdhel smacks nerd: read the books!
nerd: well...theyre kinda long.
Haldir: yeh, they are long and dull
nerd: very dull...thats why i quit reading them

Oh, Haldir (Mystra), why do you keep changing your IP so you can return to the Chat?

Ulmo: My personality was squelched by a bitter experience with a Chia early in life
Ulmo: It's traumatizing for me to think about

Bethberry: Ladies, ladies, don't you know that men are like buses?
Bethberry: There will always be another one along in ten minutes.

VanimaEdhel: Mindez used me!
VanimaEdhel: Yay!

[N] Legolas is now known as ButterflyMaiden
* ButterflyMaiden giggles and dresses up, then goes to flutter to the fields.

* me wonders if excitement will rear its head soon
[N] VanimaEdhel is now known as excitement
* excitement rears her head
[N] excitement is now known as VanimaEdhel
VanimaEdhel: You happy, me?

Frodo_Baggins: WHERE IS HER?!
Legolas: Guo is a girl? No wonder

Palenturion: so are you the kind of dorks that hit on each other in elvish?

(The answer to that, by the way, is yes)

Estella: .msg Sharku-away so you're single?
Estella: oops

I love when people type . instead of / when sending private messages...allows the room so much more fun.

And that's all the nice quotes. I'll get more soon...there are certainly enough newbies around lately. They made me whimper the other day when they were gushing over Legolas (okay, fake whimpering...then I used big words and their minds blew up).

Okay, and in case you couldn't figure it out, I took out the brackets because the words didn't show up...silly HTML...